Dr. B's Blog

Self-confidence is one’s assessment of their own self-worth, and it is what allows you to take risks. As a self-confident person, I know if something goes wrong, my good self-confidence will help me make things right. Self-confidence is based in reality rather than as “pie-in-the-sky” or wishful thinking. A track record of success and accomplishment breeds more confidence, therefore, being prepared, having sound knowledge, wisdom and realistic expectations are the building blocks for developing self-confidence.  

So how does one go about increasing self-confidence? First, keep in mind, like most measures that lead to genuine change, personal mastery and increasing self-confidence is a process. You cannot be inconsistent or impatient. One way to begin the process is by asking and answering the following questions: 

• What do you like about yourself?
  • Positive self image is a reflection of the mental picture one has of oneself. Self-image may be defined by what is “real” and what is ideal.
  • It always seems easier to express what you don’t like about yourself before you share what you do like. Here are some suggestions: Do you like your optimism, your high energy and enthusiasm? What about an ability to see the good before seeing the “not so good” in yourself and others? What is it you really like about yourself?
• What do you do well?
  • Everyone has gifts and talents – no exceptions. What you do well is generally associated with the compliments you receive from others.
• What do you value (may be understood by what you value about others)?
  • I value wisdom, kindness, compassion and helpfulness in others, and I appreciate those values in myself.
  • When you feel good about yourself, from where does the feeling come?
• Is your “feel good” dependent on other’s approval of you or does the good feeling come from somewhere within you? Are you giving away your power to others’ opinions of and reactions to you?
• What are your vulnerabilities?
  • Vulnerabilities could include having anger issues, having difficulty trusting, providing ineffective communication, demonstrating a lack of clarity on how to resolve conflict, displaying a lack of knowledge, being overly critical, being defensive, having a tendency to look for the negative versus seeing the positive, and creating perceived enemies and unresolved conflicts.

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Where is your level of self-confidence?

Dr. B

How is your self-confidence as you start into this new year? Do you know you need to take risks and make different choices? Self-confidence allows you to take risks you might not otherwise consider. In 2010, if you want something different in your life, then do something different with your life. Make 2010 work for you by being more self-confident.

What are some of your suggestions to others that may help them improve their self-confidence?

Succcessfully yours,

Dr. B

Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year to all. Happy holidays and seasons greetings around the world.

Dr. B

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Thank You, God, for everything … The big things and the small,
For “every good gift comes from God” … The Giver of them all.

And all too often we accept …without any thanks or praise,
The gifts You send as blessings … each day in many ways.

And so at this special time, we offer up a prayer;
To thank You, God, for giving us, a lot more than our share.

First, thank You for the little things that often come our way;
The things we take for granted and don’t mention when we pray.

The unexpected courtesy, the thoughtful, kindly deed,
A hand reached out to help us … in the time of sudden need.

Oh, make us more aware, dear God, of little daily graces,
That come to us with “sweet surprise,” from never-dreamed-of places.

Then, thank You for the “miracles” we are much too blind to see,
And give us new awareness of our many gifts from Thee.

And help us to remember that the “key” to “life” and “living,”
Is to make each prayer a “prayer of thanks,” and every day THANKSGIVING.

~ Helen Steiner Rice ~

Community Engagement – Making a Difference

I love my community. I believe in my community and because I am connected to my community, when my community hurts, I hurt. When my community is in trouble, I am in trouble. When my community needs me to act, I need to act.

Community engagement is about creating an opportunity to be the difference that is GOING to make a difference in someone else’s life. I realized a long time ago, I could not save the world, but I did learn I am able to brighten the corner where I am. This is one of the greatest joys of community engagement.

We all have our differences but when it comes right down to it, our communitiy is everyone’s home …. Whether we live in the suburbs or inner city, what happens in either affects us all. This is not the time to “segregate” our selves by crime stats, fear of our differences, or dislike for each other’s political persuasions. It is time for all well intentioned citizens to reach across our divides to solve our problems and to make what is not working, workable.

I encourage everyone to find a way to help someone who may be suffering (even if it is the result of their own choices). How many of us have not made poor choices in life but have survived the consequences (barely)? How many of us might have ended up in a different space had it been a different time or place? None of us are exempt from the possibility of having life turn on us in unimaginable ways?

After attending a block party to reduce violence, as a suburbanite, I starkly realized how blessed I am to be able to live in a community where my children and grandchildren are able to live and play in relative safely. That said I cannot turn my back on those who need me because I am comfortable. I understand all too clearly that none of us are as strong as all of us and if each of us would make a small effort to be the difference, we could rock our communities in such a positive way and potentially make a really big change in how our community sees itself and responds to its challenges.

I have decided not to sit on the sidelines shaking my head. I have decided to DO something when I can and where I can. What about you?

Successfully yours,

Dr. B

The Psychology of Personal Terrorism – Overcoming Fear

 
Why are we not as inclusive as we could be? There are lots of reasons but mostly we tend to fear what we do not know and what we do not understand. We tend to fear honest discussions about gender, ethnicity and race issues because generally these issues are related to our personal fears about being exposed.
The goal of terrorism is to produce abnormal fear through acts of disruption (violence) that send a high impact message to intended targets. In other words, terrorism limits the ability of the targeted to think clearly to produce abnormal fear. Terror conditions us to be afraid to go beyond the boundaries others set for us or those we set for ourselves.

Martin Luther King Jr. was born on January 15th, 1929. King Sr. observed he and his wife had no idea of King Jr.’s impending greatness until, as a teenager, he wrote a letter to the editor of a local paper which received widespread and favorable comment. MLK Jr. began Morehouse College at the age of 15 reading at the 8th grade level. The young Martin King understood even at that early age, terrorism and fear would hinder people from maximizing their potential. In August of 1946 the teenage King wrote a letter to the Atlanta Constitution most likely as a result of the lynching of a World War II veteran for voting in Taylor County GA and 2 black couples in Walton County GA.
Of fear, Dr. King said, “Normal fear protects us; abnormal fear paralyses us. Normal fear motivates us to improve our individual and collective welfare; abnormal fear constantly poisons and distorts our inner lives. Our problem is not to be rid of fear but, rather to harness and master it.”

How will you master your fear? Share your thoughts here.

Dr. B

Leaders who focus on the strengths of their followers and eventually make weaknesses irrelevant (Hesselbein, 2000). The enemy of any type of change has always been and continues to be a perceived lack of time and a deficit of enthusiasm, passion, and energy for transformation. Friends of change are leaders and followers who work in collaboration in a way that energy and passion are ignited by the fire of internal motivations and inclusiveness. These individuals understand the value of complexity and have a healthy respect for chaos because they realize that out of chaos comes order. When we change our perceptions about what we “think” we “know”, we are able to change our realities about ourselves and the world.

Your thoughts?

Dr. B

A Pre-modern Chicken Little Story

Chicken Little was not quite yet a postmodern chicken. She enjoyed the freedom to express herself with her friends and sister chickens as they clucked about the barnyard. One day, Chicken Little experienced some cognitive dissonance when an object hit her on the head. Having never experienced this phenomenon, her left-brain interpreter kicked in and deduced that the sky must be falling. As she attempted to decide what to do about this impending calamity, she felt it was most important to share with those around her, what she believed was happening. Based on the best empirical evidence available to her at that time, Chicken Little had deduced the sky was falling.

Chicken Little spread her theory of the falling sky to everyone she met; Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, Turkey Lurkey and Foxy Loxy. For the philosophers of the time, this need to share her worldview with so many might be interpreted as her attempting to seek confirmation from others. For Chicken Little, this event had to be as she thought. She had heard it and even felt part of the sky hit her head. In order to help her overcome her psychological and physical discomfort, she thought she needed to warn the king so that he would be able to get the situation rectified and return her world to normal or at least save her from certain doom. Chicken Little’s premonition of destruction was substantiated in the end, but not because they sky was falling.

Now, had Chicken Little applied some of the principles of critical thinking, she might have asked herself the following questions in an attempt to examine the facts as they were presented to determine if indeed the sky as initially supposed, was falling. She really needed to understand the real problem.

 What was going on here? (what is the real problem?)
 Had the sky ever fallen before? (identify assumptions)
 How could the sky possibly fall? What would be the natural causes? (deductive reasoning)
 If a piece of the sky had fallen, could she see the hole from which it fell (interpretation of the evidence)
 Who else might be able to substantiate her conclusions or interpret the evidence? (collect opinions and perceptions from others)
 I wonder what else might have been able to fall from the sky, hit me on the head and I am still living to talk about it? (evaluation of the argument)

Moral of the story: Leaders create the reality of the world they need to believe exists . . . right or wrong. They defend, in any way they can, their closely held assumptions and beliefs about how things ought to be. When making decisions, most begin from a place of self-interest and personal gratification. For someone or something to contradict a belief (i.e., finding out it was an acorn) may mean destroying or at least infringing on the belief or concept of who one believes they are. For many, this is unacceptable and often leads to garbage-can decision making.

Most of us are not usually interested in exploring what makes us uncomfortable…we are however, more interested in keeping the status quo of our reality. Leaders (and others) must come to understand how important it is to be open to new realities; even those that we don’t want to believe or hear.

What should leaders do? Learn to apply some Chicken Little Critical Thinking and Managerial Decision-Making to our beliefs and values, knowing everyone won’t share in them or accept them. Are you a Chicken Little leader closed to other’s perspectives and ideas or are you a leader open to new realities and unimaginable possibilities?

Remember this . . . predictability, fear, and denial are the enemies of progress, growth, and creativity! Learn how to make effective decisions!

What do you think? Do you believe most managers and leaders use critical thinking before making decisions? Why do you believe what you do?

When attempting to understand how inclusion helps all of us, it is important to remember, not only do we live up to people’s expectations . . . we live down to them too. If we do not expect much of others, we won’t get much from them. It matters less what the message is I think I send. What matters most is the message received. So whether we believe we can or cannot build an organization of inclusiveness, commitment, and engaging diversity . . . either way we are correct.

The messages we send are most often grounded in our personal belief and value systems. Our beliefs tend to control just about everything about our behaviors. Sometimes we are blinded by our own beliefs and values to the exclusion of seeing new paths that would light our way.

There is a story told (author unknown) of a man who was looking for his keys. He was looking for them under the bright street light. His neighbors saw him and came out to help him find his keys. Finally one neighbor asked him where he lost his keys. The man said, “Inside my house.” Stunned, the neighbor asked, “Then why are you looking for them out here?” The man said, “Because there is more light out here.”

Now, we may laugh at this silly man who was blinded by his beliefs, but how many of us are equally blinded by beliefs about others that are just as silly . . . just as negative . . . and just as useless? If we are not being a part of the solution, we are part of the problem. Are you part of your team’s problem?

What do you think?

Dr. B

(CNN) — The commissioner of the Cambridge, Massachusetts, police department said Thursday he “deeply regrets” the arrest of prominent black Harvard University professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., but stands by the procedures followed by his department. “I believe that Sgt. [James] Crowley acted in a way that is consistent with his training at the department, and consistent with national standards of law enforcement protocol,” Commissioner Robert Haas said, referring to the officer who made the July 16 arrest at the professor’s home (www.CNN.com)

This is exactly PART of the problem. Police officers are thoroughly trained to “control” … not to listen. I agree it was not either man’s best moment, however, having spent some time working with and talking to police officers, I have seen a great deal of emphasis expressed about how citizens should respond to police officers and not nearly enough on how police officers should respond to citizens … especially when dealing with unique situations that fall outside the realm of standard protocol.

Because Office Crowley followed standard operating procedures to the letter, he missed an opportunity. When Professor Gates allowed himself to be offended by the officer challenging him, he also missed an opportunity. Both men seem to have been inappropriate in their reactions and responses to each other. This incident emphasizes how quickly our perceptions and emotions drive how we behave.

Both of these men appear to have demonstrated a lack of emotional intelligence so that cooler heads could have prevailed. When a citizen does not immediately comply to an officer’s command, that action is seen as a threat. When a police officer does not immediately listen to the citizen’s side of the story, it is perceived as bullying. Police officers have a difficult job and they face dangerous situations everyday; but I think most understand that when they sign up for the job. Being a world-renown professor generally means certain privileges and expectations are afforded Professor Gates and this was called into question during this incident. This clash of the titans should have never reached the level of agitation it did.

The good news in this is that we are at least discussing ways to improve relationships between people of color and law enforcement. That said, I hope both men and the country use this incident as an opportunity to learn ways to be more respectful to each other People should be safe in their homes and law enforcement officers should be seen by citizens as the professionals I believe most of them truly are.

Dr. B